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The Difference Between You and MeI wanted to protect you
I wanted to save you
Take all the pain away
I thought with me, you would be okay
That I was your pain killer
That I could make it all better
I wanted to be there for you
I would do anything for you
So that you would be happy
I just wanted you to be happy, baby
That we could make it through this together
And continue being together forever and ever
But it's hard when your demons inside are fighting you
When you have this constant battle inside of you
It's hard to see you be that way
When your mind is your worse enemy
And then I don't know what to do to make it better
What if I make it worser?
What if I can't help you
What if I'm not enough for you
I just wanted you to be happy
With me, say that I make you happy, I know that's so selfish of me to say
But it's hard on me too, I have feelings too, remember?
That I'm not always strong and I can easily break like a mirror
I wanted to be there for you
Need Your LoveI love you
But do I love you too much?
Was it more than you deserved?
Or was it more than you could handle?
Gave you so much more
Than what you gave me
Is that selfish love?
Tell me baby, is it?
I wanted to protect you
Did you want to protect me too?
From the pain
From the tears
From everything that could hurt me
I just wanted to be happy with you
And give you everything
Did you want that for me too?
Are you going to love me like I love you?
Baby, is that wrong?
I love you so much
Please tell me that you love me too
Broken Heels and Banana Peels (Chapter 8-10)Chapter 8
Aubrey just invited me to sit with her at her table. No way.
And all I could say was, "I'll think about it," before I went back to cutting my steak. There was no way I could sit with them. Not because I didn't want to... Okay, I kind of didn't want to, but that was only because of her brother and other people. They would definitely notice. There was no way I could.
"Yeah, that would be cool if you did." Melissa added as I glanced over at her. She was picking some of her eggs up with her fork before she continued, "Or you can just visit us at our table if you don't want to... You know, sit with us or something." She said as she looked up at me, lifting her fork full of scrambled eggs into her mouth while smiling.
"But we would totally understand if you don't want to." Aubrey then commented as she put some of Hanna's salad on her plate. "It's really up to you." I listened as I took a bite of my slice of steak, looking over at Hanna who was sit
Monsters and MadnessI release the madness blindly.
Not thinking, not really.
My madness is in monsters that are inside me, they like to play.
"Let us out, you know you want to." They say.
And when they do, they take control and stay.
They are all the words and all of the things I do angrily.
And once everything is said and done, they come back happily.
They eagerly wait for the next time to come out and play.
My monsters I can't stop or control at times, and they don't go away.
Second Thoughts And Some ExplainingSometimes I know what to say
Sometimes I don't
Just one of those days
Where I can't talk like I want
I told you that you picked a interesting day
It really was, I just hope no regrets, none at all
Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts
Sometimes my thoughts are blank
It's funny, normally I can talk, I can be random, talk nonsense
But it was weird, finally I met someone who can talk
And be random and talk nonsense, it was like switching places
I wasn't the one to make the talk what it was, you were
Sometimes while we were talking
Sometimes one point or another
My thoughts went back to him and I got stuck in thinking
"You could do better"
You said when you brought him up, it got me wondering
And then I kept switching back to her
Sometimes I wonder about you guys
Sometimes I can't hep but bring her up by asking
You rarely talk about her but it must be nice, no outsiders
To really know what goes on between you two and how things are doing
Maybe it mig
Blame On MeIt's like you have to point out everything that I do wrong
What's this? What's that? Look, you should've did this and that
Just shut the fuck up and get out of my face
Just shut the fuck up and get away from me
I don't need to hear any of your bullshit
I don't need to hear any of your blame
You're blaming me for everything
And you near me just drives me crazy
Makes me really want to punch you in the fucking face
You want to tell me everything I'm doing wrong all the time
And then blame me for everything that's going wrong
Just shut up, shut up, it's not all my fault
Shut up, shut up, why is all of the fucking blame on me?
Like none of it's your's
Don't be surprised that I'm getting pissed off
And don't be surprised if I get in your face
Because all of your bullshit is getting fucking old
Just get the fuck away from me
Your voice just annoys the hell out of me
Your face, your presence does too
What makes you so perfect that you can just point out
Torn of Letting GoI miss you.
I'll never say it to your face, I'll never admit it to you and let you know, but I do.
I miss you so much, it brings me to tears sometimes.
When will this stop?
When will I stop missing and crying over you?
I held on to you for so long... how can I just let you go?
But I am, slowly but surely, I'm moving on.
Missing you is just part of it.
I really wish I didn't though.
I wish I could say I hate you.
That I hate you for everything you put me through.
But I know I don't.
I really don't.
After all this time, I still...
Broken Heels and Banana Peels (Chapter 7)Chapter 7
I invited them to eat at my house.
"I mean... Since I've already seen your house, maybe you guys should see mine? I cook pretty well..." I suggested as I was starting to drive out of the school parking lot on the way to my house. It was clean, I had food in the refrigerator, and my mom worked till late at night so I always cooked for myself. I didn't plan for this to happen, but it wasn't t like I had money on me at the moment to just go and eat with them somewhere.
"That sounds awesome!" Melissa commented as she put her head between me and Aubrey. "I like your idea, Adam!" I smiled and quickly glanced over at Aubrey who was smiling too. "What do you think Hanna?" Melissa asked. I couldn't help but look over at my rear view mirror and saw that Hanna was looking out the window. She wasn't wearing a hat or sunglasses this time either.
"Yeah, I think it would be... Interesting, too." Hanna replied. Whew. I was relieved. I couldn't believe Hanna
The End of Us, The Beginning of AnotherI'm a little heart broken, I must admit
But I don't want to be sad, I don't want to cry
Not because I think it's weak to
It's because I want to be happy
Even though it didn't last
Even though he did make me cry
He also did make me really happy
That no one could
Gave me memories that I never want to replace
And a feeling of love that I will always have in my heart
Let's learn to stop focusing on the bad and focus on the good
I have no regrets
Maybe I wish we could've worked things out
But that's not the path for us
The path for us is to find ourselves and maybe find someone else
There's a first love, a second love, and more loves
I'm just glad he got to be one of them
Mental Disorder Discrimination"You said you've got depression?
No you don't, you attention seeker.
You're just an average teenager with the perfect life
Desperately looking for sympathy."
Stop crying, you coward.
You're just a childish "scaredy-cat".
Blaming your problems on a mental disorder
That doesn't even exist."
"So you're schizophrenic?
Grow the hell up, and stop acting like a child
You're too old for imaginary friends
You callow, juvenile, little twit."
But if we're attention seekers,
Why do we try so hard to hide our feelings from the world?
Why do we isolate ourselves in our rooms,
Desperately hiding the cuts on our wrists
Trying our best to live a normal life?
And if we're simply "scaredy-cats",
Why is our fear so vividly intense?
Unlike simple fear, our anxiety will stick with us forever
A severe long-lasting feeling of powerful panic.
A feeling from which we'll never be free.
Suddenly we're childish for having a mental disorder?
Schizophrenia is not something we can control.
YouIf you’re a girl, you’re a girl.
If you’re a boy, you’re a boy.
If you’re white, you’re white.
If you’re black, you’re black.
If you’re gay, you’re gay.
If you’re bi, you’re bi.
If you’re straight, you’re straight.
If you’re religious, you’re religious.
If you’re an atheist, you’re an atheist.
If you’re mentally disabled, you’re still human.
If you’re physically disabled, you’re still human.
For everything you are:
So who are they to judge you for who you are?
to me you are perfect
I do not know the reasons
for all those scars burning
against your bright skin
you've been soaking
a pain reminiscing from past
we both cannot recollect
yet you are so beautiful..
when night gets darker
and I am the one...
who's hungered to undress
the spirit of you
slowly revealing the layers
coming off from shadows
disguised in desires
craving to be fulfilled
I will caress every corner
of your silhouette
until I figure the true shape
of your heart
I will rub those blisters
softly until every nerve
of you gushes into a river
and you moan into a life
I had promised you
years ago when we began
to breathe into each other
for all the truths
I must swallow
and lessons I must learn
you are the one
I am destined to discover
what it means
to love in perfection
daydreams and monsters.she was a girl.
she ran with the moon,
chased fireflies in the bluegrass, and
watched the reflection of sunsets in rain puddles.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
but to the dragonflies she was a queen,
and to the mirror she was a sister.
the moon was her prince, and the
blinking windows were the eyes
that kept her safe.
she spent her nights making wishes, and she
dragged her fingers along the shooting stars
that were tangled with her vertebrae.
her name was Alice,
and she was a girl.
her body was a river
her mind was an ocean
and her heart was the sky.
she lived in a world where
doves flew in the sea and
whales swam in the
i can't keep walking on these dry-rot bonesoh, i am not a poet;
like the ink scratches
of plath, i am
specter boy: decay,
dispose, & disappoint
because this is the way
that writers wane -
(this hangman head is no
survivor story, & gods
do not burn out
poem for borderlinesif i could concentrate over
seven hundred thousand eyes
at the roof to the numbers stepping
from the nicities & rows
to go back
to the shattered surface
& the ripples beating over the hang
halfway between shallow
biting lips. maybe--
she couldn't have known
that it takes a whole three minutes
for the lungs to
well, maybe she
who, oh well
the white; the haze--
the booming over
the spume and spray
me get out of my head
just pull up the shutters
my tongue the weight to talk
but that's all we'll ever be:
a match burning itself out for
under the backspray of someone else's wheels
AnymoreHere we are again, said our final goodbyes, and left
Same story, but this might be it
I know you're not what I want anymore
And I know I'm not what you want
The sparks are gone, no fireworks, nothing, cause it's all burned out
Back then I used to forgive you, I used to miss you everyday
But it's not like that anymore
It's probably the same for you too
You didn't even want to put any effort
No trying to make me not leave
No, "Stay, I know we can work this out."
And I told you, "That's sad
You don't fight for what you want
So you end up losing it"
And you told me, "I used to do that but not anymore"
And it's okay...
Now I know where I stand with you
I keep thinking of the past
Of how it used to be
But you're not that person anymore
I'm not either
And before we know it..
We're becoming strangers
Because there's this distance between us
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Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More