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Two Gays and a Chick (Chapter Three)"You know since... my parents are away and I have the whole house to myself, I'm letting Gary crash at my place. It gets boring with just us. You should crash at my place this weekend too. It'll be fun. We can play spin the bottle. No losers playing that game with just the three of us, what do you think?" Steven suggested as I closed my empty Cheese on Top box. Not going to lie but when I heard him say spin the bottle, I twitched with bad memories rushing in my mind.
"Uh..." I started to say. I forgot that today was Friday. I looked over at Steven and saw he was already looking over at me smiling. Then at Gary, whose attention was on his half eaten burger.
"You can say no, Abby." Gary suddenly said as he gradually lifted his head up and stared straight at me. I turned away from his eyes and rose my milkshake to my mouth.
"Well I'm not taking a no." Steven protested. "Okay, we don't have to play spin the bottle, but trust me Abby honey, you won't be disappointed. You
Two Gays and a Chick (Chapter Two)"Where's Steven?" I asked Gary. He had texted me that he wanted to come over so here we were in my front yard. I always assumed Steven would be accompanied with him and he was, when I saw Gary, Steven would be present right there with him. However, not this time, strangly. This is weird, I remembered thinking as I stared at Gary who was lowering down, carefully with his hands, the rear door to get onto the back of his pickup truck. And straightaway, I noticed a folded down from the top brown bag from Cheese on Top and a folded up blanket beside it.
"Don't worry about him. Hop on." Gary instructed as he got on and held both his hands out for me. This was a year ago. The approach Gary, Steven, and I always did to get me onto the back of his truck was either one or both of them grabbing me by the wrist and lifting me up. I was short, it was a curse, and Gary's truck was really elevated thanks to his oversized tires. It was obviously his pride and joy. "I got you cheese fries." He added as
The Difference Between You and MeI wanted to protect you
I wanted to save you
Take all the pain away
I thought with me, you would be okay
That I was your pain killer
That I could make it all better
I wanted to be there for you
I would do anything for you
So that you would be happy
I just wanted you to be happy, baby
That we could make it through this together
And continue being together forever and ever
But it's hard when your demons inside are fighting you
When you have this constant battle inside of you
It's hard to see you be that way
When your mind is your worse enemy
And then I don't know what to do to make it better
What if I make it worser?
What if I can't help you
What if I'm not enough for you
I just wanted you to be happy
With me, say that I make you happy, I know that's so selfish of me to say
But it's hard on me too, I have feelings too, remember?
That I'm not always strong and I can easily break like a mirror
I wanted to be there for you
Need Your LoveI love you
But do I love you too much?
Was it more than you deserved?
Or was it more than you could handle?
Gave you so much more
Than what you gave me
Is that selfish love?
Tell me baby, is it?
I wanted to protect you
Did you want to protect me too?
From the pain
From the tears
From everything that could hurt me
I just wanted to be happy with you
And give you everything
Did you want that for me too?
Are you going to love me like I love you?
Baby, is that wrong?
I love you so much
Please tell me that you love me too
Broken Heels and Banana Peels (Chapter 8-10)Chapter 8
Aubrey just invited me to sit with her at her table. No way.
And all I could say was, "I'll think about it," before I went back to cutting my steak. There was no way I could sit with them. Not because I didn't want to... Okay, I kind of didn't want to, but that was only because of her brother and other people. They would definitely notice. There was no way I could.
"Yeah, that would be cool if you did." Melissa added as I glanced over at her. She was picking some of her eggs up with her fork before she continued, "Or you can just visit us at our table if you don't want to... You know, sit with us or something." She said as she looked up at me, lifting her fork full of scrambled eggs into her mouth while smiling.
"But we would totally understand if you don't want to." Aubrey then commented as she put some of Hanna's salad on her plate. "It's really up to you." I listened as I took a bite of my slice of steak, looking over at Hanna who was sit
Monsters and MadnessI release the madness blindly.
Not thinking, not really.
My madness is in monsters that are inside me, they like to play.
"Let us out, you know you want to." They say.
And when they do, they take control and stay.
They are all the words and all of the things I do angrily.
And once everything is said and done, they come back happily.
They eagerly wait for the next time to come out and play.
My monsters I can't stop or control at times, and they don't go away.
A message to the brokenYou drown yourself
in liquid sorrows,
letting the salty mess
burn your wounds,
and the sadness
to drip in your mouth,
consuming your words
and you say
you deserve the pain,
but I want to dry your face,
and whisper in your ear
how the clouds cry too,
while they hold such beauty,
and so do you.
Pretty metaphors are for pretty girlsI told you to stop
spewing pretty metaphors at me,
for with each elaborate comparison,
I feel a bit more
detached from this world
And maybe I don’t feel so strong at the moment,
but would you be
if you felt like the entire universe
was resting upon your shoulders,
and someone was just there saying:
But you’re stronger than the powerful beats
of a butterfly’s wings
And maybe I do need more confidence,
but would you exuberate it
when the part you hated most about yourself
were the freckles that have speckled your face for years,
and someone was just there muttering:
They’re not flaws,
but rather stars that form constellations
Yes, I can’t help but hate
all those unrealistic metaphors
you choose to pelt at me when I’m low,
yet the irony is,
I know that those beautiful words
are realistic in your eyes,
So I can’t hate you.
dark circlesi haven't slept well in 14 days
my eyes droop pretty colors
'50 shades of purple and grey,
they're bags and they're designer'
making jokes is how i cope
with chapped lips and constant chap-stick
it tastes like honey and mint
i laugh and say i'm addicted.
hooded lids and sleepy smiles
during lunch at subway
my friends ask if I'm okay
I say that I'm just tired.
but really when I see him with her
my heart sinks to the tiles
she's pretty and witty and sure as hell she can sing
and i'm just a loud bone-collector.
when I see her with him,
dancing and laughing and grinning,
the ring on her finger
laughs at my singularity.
for as much as i lie and as much as i try
my loneliness still creeps in,
because no matter how much they protest,
i'm still the lowly fifth-wheel.
walking behind them on sidewalks
that are wide, but built for four
smiles and laughs when they look back
but the frown creeps evermore.
pelvis peaks through paper-thin skin
and knuckles white and pale
my ribs are empty, my bo
Clear WristA clear wrist, barren of scars,
as opposed to skin sauntered in marks,
tells a trickier story than it's soiled and raw,
uncaring, unkempt counter part.
Bravery, I think it holds,
the strength to bare unimaginable loads
of pain and suffering through endless times,
and withstanding the agony of sleepless nights.
Some think it is fear, the reluctance to cut,
but I believe it opposite, it show courage and guts.
To bear your pain without a nick on your wrist,
is like a solider braving his terrain while being torn limb from limb.
Agonizing as it is, to hide your pain,
you do it so well, and no attention you'll gain.
At the end of the day, it's not cry for attention,
rather a cry for the victory that's silently mentioned.
Your scars are those not self inflicted,
and despite the gnawing intention,
to harm yourself and ease your pain,
the scars you earn are rightfully gained.
In a room of those who have jumped the gun,
and left traces of blood deep in their arms,
do not be tempted to do the sam
specter boys have always looked best sinkinghe says,
i want to count all 206 &
feel the notches of your ribs -
i want you, weary boy, to
phase yourself down while
you are burning inside out.
i will seethe inside your skull
like thoughts, like cigarette filters;
you will thank me as i molder in your marrow.
These Faded KeysOf all the keys I click
As we speak each day,
It's the back arrow
That's faded most
These white letters
Would surely tell you,
I reply to everything -
But the key reading "enter"
Will be the one to explain
Why it still looks new
I want you to know
Just how much I care,
But I don't want to be close
Out of the fear of losing you
But please remember:
I dedicate these words to you,
Sharing them to the world
Rather than clicking away
At the faded key ~
AnymoreHere we are again, said our final goodbyes, and left
Same story, but this might be it
I know you're not what I want anymore
And I know I'm not what you want
The sparks are gone, no fireworks, nothing, cause it's all burned out
Back then I used to forgive you, I used to miss you everyday
But it's not like that anymore
It's probably the same for you too
You didn't even want to put any effort
No trying to make me not leave
No, "Stay, I know we can work this out."
And I told you, "That's sad
You don't fight for what you want
So you end up losing it"
And you told me, "I used to do that but not anymore"
And it's okay...
Now I know where I stand with you
I keep thinking of the past
Of how it used to be
But you're not that person anymore
I'm not either
And before we know it..
We're becoming strangers
Because there's this distance between us
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