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Two Gays and a Chick (Chapter Three)"You know since... my parents are away and I have the whole house to myself, I'm letting Gary crash at my place. It gets boring with just us. You should crash at my place this weekend too. It'll be fun. We can play spin the bottle. No losers playing that game with just the three of us, what do you think?" Steven suggested as I closed my empty Cheese on Top box. Not going to lie but when I heard him say spin the bottle, I twitched with bad memories rushing in my mind.
"Uh..." I started to say. I forgot that today was Friday. I looked over at Steven and saw he was already looking over at me smiling. Then at Gary, whose attention was on his half eaten burger.
"You can say no, Abby." Gary suddenly said as he gradually lifted his head up and stared straight at me. I turned away from his eyes and rose my milkshake to my mouth.
"Well I'm not taking a no." Steven protested. "Okay, we don't have to play spin the bottle, but trust me Abby honey, you won't be disappointed. You
Two Gays and a Chick (Chapter Two)"Where's Steven?" I asked Gary. He had texted me that he wanted to come over so here we were in my front yard. I always assumed Steven would be accompanied with him and he was, when I saw Gary, Steven would be present right there with him. However, not this time, strangly. This is weird, I remembered thinking as I stared at Gary who was lowering down, carefully with his hands, the rear door to get onto the back of his pickup truck. And straightaway, I noticed a folded down from the top brown bag from Cheese on Top and a folded up blanket beside it.
"Don't worry about him. Hop on." Gary instructed as he got on and held both his hands out for me. This was a year ago. The approach Gary, Steven, and I always did to get me onto the back of his truck was either one or both of them grabbing me by the wrist and lifting me up. I was short, it was a curse, and Gary's truck was really elevated thanks to his oversized tires. It was obviously his pride and joy. "I got you cheese fries." He added as
The Difference Between You and MeI wanted to protect you
I wanted to save you
Take all the pain away
I thought with me, you would be okay
That I was your pain killer
That I could make it all better
I wanted to be there for you
I would do anything for you
So that you would be happy
I just wanted you to be happy, baby
That we could make it through this together
And continue being together forever and ever
But it's hard when your demons inside are fighting you
When you have this constant battle inside of you
It's hard to see you be that way
When your mind is your worse enemy
And then I don't know what to do to make it better
What if I make it worser?
What if I can't help you
What if I'm not enough for you
I just wanted you to be happy
With me, say that I make you happy, I know that's so selfish of me to say
But it's hard on me too, I have feelings too, remember?
That I'm not always strong and I can easily break like a mirror
I wanted to be there for you
Need Your LoveI love you
But do I love you too much?
Was it more than you deserved?
Or was it more than you could handle?
Gave you so much more
Than what you gave me
Is that selfish love?
Tell me baby, is it?
I wanted to protect you
Did you want to protect me too?
From the pain
From the tears
From everything that could hurt me
I just wanted to be happy with you
And give you everything
Did you want that for me too?
Are you going to love me like I love you?
Baby, is that wrong?
I love you so much
Please tell me that you love me too
Broken Heels and Banana Peels (Chapter 8-10)Chapter 8
Aubrey just invited me to sit with her at her table. No way.
And all I could say was, "I'll think about it," before I went back to cutting my steak. There was no way I could sit with them. Not because I didn't want to... Okay, I kind of didn't want to, but that was only because of her brother and other people. They would definitely notice. There was no way I could.
"Yeah, that would be cool if you did." Melissa added as I glanced over at her. She was picking some of her eggs up with her fork before she continued, "Or you can just visit us at our table if you don't want to... You know, sit with us or something." She said as she looked up at me, lifting her fork full of scrambled eggs into her mouth while smiling.
"But we would totally understand if you don't want to." Aubrey then commented as she put some of Hanna's salad on her plate. "It's really up to you." I listened as I took a bite of my slice of steak, looking over at Hanna who was sit
Monsters and MadnessI release the madness blindly.
Not thinking, not really.
My madness is in monsters that are inside me, they like to play.
"Let us out, you know you want to." They say.
And when they do, they take control and stay.
They are all the words and all of the things I do angrily.
And once everything is said and done, they come back happily.
They eagerly wait for the next time to come out and play.
My monsters I can't stop or control at times, and they don't go away.
Unable to loveMy love was pure
I only wanted
But my heart
Because my love
Like a piece of garbage
And now I'm unable
Because the shreds
Of my shattered soul
MathematicsI am but the sum of my
F L A W S;
a network of
S C A R S
a disaster of
D R E A M S
a shield of
B O N E S
C A L C U L A T I O N
a void of
to the girl i lose my words aroundi have been meaning to tell you for years:
i think you’re beautiful. i have
seen nothing on earth that holds a candle
to the ocean you carry inside your body.
it spills over your edges sometimes, like
a rain shower around you, blurring your penciled-in
lines until there is nothing left of you but your natural
cliffs, valleys, and deserts.
i like that.
i have never met someone who is, somehow,
a sea and a storm at the same time.
maybe i never will again.
maybe you are the only one
who gathers clouds on her forehead
like a promise, or feels the push and pull of the tide
with her every step.
you are beautiful, honestly.
you are honest, beautifully.
it is in the way you talk, the way you hold ice
on your tongue but forget to use it—
you always forget to use it, i don’t think
you know how.
to be truthful, i’m afraid of your smile
and how it breaks over me, how it pulls
me like a whirlpool down, how it pushes me
like a current back to the surface. i’m afraid of
Abuse Is Sometimes NecessaryPush and pull at her long hair, topple her to the solid ground,
elbow her sharply in the raw gut, shove her harshly around.
Scratch him in the pale face, punch him in the broken jaw,
do anything necessary to him that's considered breaking the law.
And when she cries because you've punched her, let her be,
and observe her when she returns to her habitual smoking.
When she passes out next day, because she's drunken too much booze,
slap her in the face once more, though many would consider it abuse.
When he can hardly walk because he thinks he's high in the clouds,
rip the needle out of his arm, and with your nails, slash him across the sweaty brow.
Grab them and shake them till their battered and bruised,
tear at their heart, scream in their ears until you've reached the point of verbal abuse.
And when she falls into your chest, and he collapses to the ground,
pull them closely, and whisper, “We can turn this all around.”
And rehab is a necessity for all of you, because you'v
Good (Great, Greater, Greatest, You)Good (Great, Greater, Greatest, You)
I hope the title caught your eye,
because this is about you.
Many of us speak in superlatives
and ambiguous language.
In imagery-laden text masquerading
underneath double entendres
keeping us from a part of the truth.
But purple streaks and red bands,
harp strings and soft hands
don't begin to explain
the love I have for you.
So I lay these words down
simple in its vulnerability,
blemished and raw in its purity.
The term lissome fits you in many ways,
but not necessarily it its textbook form.
I speak on the part that is not readily seen
but what is easily most cogent.
Your consciousness' cognizance
is graceful in the way
you fold one syllable over
another, supple in its meaning
that can take many forms
going from idle lies
to how we idolize hollow eyes
and uncovered hip bones.
Elegance is an understatement,
but I refuse to speak in cliche superlatives.
I speak honestly
but not with exaggerated grandeur.
Because your immediate app
ScienceI am more than my
F L A W S;
a masterpiece of
S C A R S
a delicacy of
D R E A M S
a sculpture of
B O N E S
R E A C T I O N
a well of
i am made of nights like theseativan boy, you cannot empty out this skull -
not with a pen nor with a bullet. you can
be my hallowed head(case) for spitting out
words like teeth; oh, but i will only love you
when you're weary. i will keep crows caged
between your lungs like veins, like palpitations.
i will rot you through bones & car radios,
but i will never get (you) out of your skin.
A broken heartI promised myself I'll never fall in love
Whenever I fall in love I feel renewed and happy
But like a drug
Once everything finishes
I'm crying, depressed and the wreckage of my heart
I always end up feeling worse
I want to find someone that is special
But I'm afraid to suffer again
I'm afraid of losing another person
Do not want to suffer
Do not make me suffer, do not lie to me
Do not hurt me, no more
I will not hold on to people who only sink me
I'll be free and live with have left
A cold and lonely spirit.
Why Do You Still Believe?I used to wonder how one could believe in a God who oppresses?
Who controls you, who uses you, whose unbreakable laws can lead to serious depression.
I wondered this because I know what it's like to be failed,
to be “abandoned” by God, and to be thrown in a personal hell.
But than I grew older and learned how to cope,
I learned that believing in God was like holding a tethered rope.
So I looked to the world and was surprised by what I had seen.
Together the believers were holding onto a broken string.
On the top of the rope God holds on tightly,
and towards the bottom, the believers cling to the Almighty.
Through oppression, through injustice bestowed upon them by God,
they refuse to release their grip, as their faith is stronger than their distrust of God.
Because God does not oppress, nor does He use or impose ridiculous laws,
it is humans who do this, never has it been God.
So they still believe in Him when they're murdered for their faith,
when they're bombed beca
AnymoreHere we are again, said our final goodbyes, and left
Same story, but this might be it
I know you're not what I want anymore
And I know I'm not what you want
The sparks are gone, no fireworks, nothing, cause it's all burned out
Back then I used to forgive you, I used to miss you everyday
But it's not like that anymore
It's probably the same for you too
You didn't even want to put any effort
No trying to make me not leave
No, "Stay, I know we can work this out."
And I told you, "That's sad
You don't fight for what you want
So you end up losing it"
And you told me, "I used to do that but not anymore"
And it's okay...
Now I know where I stand with you
I keep thinking of the past
Of how it used to be
But you're not that person anymore
I'm not either
And before we know it..
We're becoming strangers
Because there's this distance between us
ViolinI remember the day
you told me violins
were strung with cat gut
and that is why
you hated music
(who says that to a child?)
I followed you
all that summer.
I watched you
grow away from mother -
your whiskey held better conversations
and all she did was cry.
We'd sit cross-legged on the porch
and count the horseflies
settling on our lunch.
You would drown tadpoles
in a bucket
surprised they could not swim
and I would dream
of cherry popsicles.
And when night would gather
on the sidewalk
I'd hold my breath
until a star appeared.
Don't bother making wishes
you'd tell me -
stars are dead weight in heaven
and God has cloth ears.
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